Happy New Year dear friends and visitors.
I have to say there's a certain kind of grand satisfaction in becoming a sassy menopausal woman.
I have been following my own rhythms of the season, saying no to that which is un-necessary or unappealing & since we are having a rather gentle coolish summer just presently, happily catching up on lots of my Hedge Fairy work right here in our secret garden...
Golly, there were 6 visitors this day, so we thought we'd better make "boy" seats & space outside, but as it was the two young girls just spent their time exploring all around the garden. Catherine's parents were out from England & her mum loved our garden as she is a guide at Kew Gardens. We sent her on her way with various seeds.
I have found a third pink enamel teapot. They work so well with roses & alstroemeria.
but haven't had the opportunity to use the concept just yet. Needs more than just the two of us to fill it up.
Lilies are magnificent especially this double one & fill the air with their heady scent...where ever they are placed. Close Lucy up & in the morning she is drenched in loveliness.
I've been on the look out for Jesus for ages & ages. I found him one day along with his mum & dad in St Vinny's window but the lady from the Little Red Book shop had beaten me to it & nabbed them all, so I had to be content to visit them in her shop in town. But finally I found him at the market in Napier sitting on the end of the stall with all kinds of um-er-well junk. He's a little too perfect for my liking...needs to be a bit mussed up, perhaps. The elderly lady whose care he was released from evidently dusted & fussed over him a good deal, during his stay with her; same cannot be said for his mother...the stall owner's told me she was in a very batteredly, poorly way.
I didn't know about Linden trees until this Christmas. I had just been reading about harvesting Linden flowers from Susun Weed & how they are so fragrant & nourishing & anti-inflammatory & I had observed what the flowers looked like & so set about finding a tree. One day I was buying some organic veges from Clyde at the Farmer's Market when I looked up & saw an enormous linden tree in full flower right behind him. Clyde I cried...it's a Linden tree!! Yes..said he, rather nonchalantly, the streets of Berlin a lined with them. I soon returned one sunny afternoon to fill a little basket full.
In the language of flowers Linden flowers represent peace, truth & justice....perfect that they are all flowering right on Christmas here in New Zealand! The dried flowers make a lovely gentle tea that is calming, may help with sleep issues & overcoming colds... they are also anti-inflammatory. Linden trees are now my dear friends & so is the Melia tree in the middle of our back lawn.
I came across a nice looking recipe for raw strawberry macaroons last week & had a go & making them. They are delicious & so summery. You can find the recipe here.
The darkness, well that's another story...really, truly another story because the imprint & the impact of the darkness happened to a small, innocent, sweet child a long time ago. I did not chose that story, nor did I have any hand in writing it....yet it has shaped my life profoundly; left an indelible mark like acid on skin. When I was five years old I came home from school with my father at lunch time, to find my mother had attempted to take her life. Panic, phone calls, ambulance, blur.....my mother was taken away & I never saw her again....for a very long time. My father told me what I needed to know, that she was in the special part of the hospital & that children weren't allowed to visit, that she was very sick & eventually, that she would never be coming home. I felt sorry for my mother but I didn't grieve her departure. There was much going on that lead to all this....she was to go on to make another three suicide attempts, the last when she was 7 months pregnant with another child.
Through all these years no one talked to me about my losses or how these events made me feel. No one was there to share the sadness with me or help me make sense of the mess the adults had made.
I carried the weight of the secret on my little heart for always. I carried it for the adults because they were so busy fussing about themselves.
Then 50 years later, quite unexpectedly, I discovered that my mother doesn't believe or accept that any of this (suicide stuff) transpired. No, she is not fragile & broken.
Now...the emotions finally crashed in on me.
I am telling this here because I am also choosing to take back my own life...to find comfort in my joy life & all that I have that is so truly good. No longer will I carry the dark secrets that should have been shouldered by those who were entrusted with my well-being.
I have found comfort in SARK's illuminating words (from her book Bodacious Book of Succulence)...in our family you were not allowed to have your emotions in front of others without being shamed or ridiculed. I wasn't "allowed" any emotions at all, nor opinions. Certainly not unpleasant ones!
This year I intend to live like I matter.
I am going to gather comfort, joy & nurture around me & wear them where-ever I go.
I am going to look for the sun shining through every prism of life & rest in being me.
(I found this chandelier in a secondhand shop for $35 a few weeks ago...I could hardly believe it!)
I am going to act like I am as valuable as these wee boys.
Look out...I am not just a menopausal woman
I am a big cup of wonderful, covered in awesome sauce, with a splash of sassy & a dash of crazy!
Happy New Year dear friends!!
Thank you for your visit & your kind thoughts.