If I try really hard I kind of imagine the endless chaos of interaction, the social intercourse, to be a bit like this...
via we heart it
Each of us, anonymous, is given a clean page to colour in just exactly how we want to, when we want to, with what ever we want to. No matter where we have come from or what has happened in the past we have a chance to re-choose "whom" we will present to the "world". For some woman (& it seems to be mainly woman) it may be the first time that they have had autonomy over their lives in a long time. We get the chance to learn new skills, gain fresh knowledge, refine our social skills & to be inspired & encouraged by others daily & all without prejudice, derision or judgement awaiting us round every corner. For some it is the first whisper of hope that has come along in forever...
via deviant art
Truth is, there is still so much hurt out there, so many damaged lives, so much suffering, loss, pain & loneliness, but together, as we share our lives & our stories & our knowledge we will all learn, grow, heal, re-form & transform our lives in ways that we cannot yet predict. People often believe that to be loved is all that matters & that if we find true love then our lives will be perfect & all will be well, but what most of us crave fundamentally, is to have a witness to who we are..SEE ME! To know that we are not alone in this wild & scary world, not to say, that to be loved for who we are isn't pretty useful too!
Two years ago I couldn't use a computer (except to look at the catalogue at the library!) but through being brave enough to take the first step & then another, my world has been radically changed & others have been affected in varied & interesting ways all around me. I am so grateful.
As I stand in the place of slight elevation, that being nearly 50 provides, I am intrigued to notice that childhood, is in fact, only a small portion of this life. All the imprinting was there in those first 5 years: the pale blue gingham & checked woolen blankets, the scent of freesias, daphne & winter sweet & the early blossom trees that I passed on my way from school to the Village, the cucumber & tomato sandwiches in my little school lunch box, the polished wooden floors & the comforting smell of the turpentine & linseed applied to them. Feijoas, strawberries & the scent of just mowed grass, moss & making miniature gardens, one fingered piano playing & the old enamel bath & water jug & bowl at Nan's..her crisp white linen sheets... all these things formed a girl & she was pink.
Then, her mother was gone & she was displaced & disconnected from all that was familiar & safe.
(How strange, I realize at this moment that I do not have any other photos of myself from this time, just a couple of baby pics.) It was if from that moment NO ONE saw me, the real me had become invisible..gone.
Then they decided that I was orange! ORANGE! well ask yourself!! really!! So for the next decade I was orange & invisible & miserable & lost.
How can you be some one if you no longer know who YOU are?
It's taken 30 years & a million tears & all the survival kind of courage that I could muster to find the girl again, but she's still there & she's still pink & she's now a woman immersed in every day loveliness & fashioned by beauty.
Hope comes new every morning..
Innocence can be revitalized.
Sometimes I hold the hand of the One who loves me
& when I just can't, He holds on to mine..
when I found this waiting in a box at the Salies the other day...I knew that He was right by my side & that in loving me.. He sees me
"Be who you are & say what you think 'cos those that mind don't matter & those that matter don't mind."
That's all very nice but when being who you are & saying how you feel gets you in to a lot of trouble then there's a cost...to being free...to being yourself...but it's worth it in the long run..
and belongs to us all